Kim Kardashian’s vagina shudders at the thought of hundreds of NBA basketball players who suddenly have nothing to do this winter.

Since Kim Kardashian is single now…

You think I have a shot? Nah just kidding, she’ll most probably kick me out within 72 seconds of meeting her.

Let’s Talk About…Kim Kardashian’s Marriage.

A lot of things can happen in 72 days. For example, it takes 72 days for a man to produce sperm in the testes.

In all seriousness, I get on Twitter, and I see people talking about Kim. I didn’t know what Kim, but I knew it was a Kim. Checked out the trends, and what do we have here? Kim Kardashian is getting a divorce from her husband Kris Humrpies…after 72 days. 72 days? Shit, how the fuck can you be married for 72 days? I know people have been married for less (some celebrities being married for like 8/9 days), but still, 72 is pretty bad. What happened? Did the fire disappear immediately after the ring went on your finger? Did Kim find another man? Did Kris find another woman? 

I don’t care what happened, being married for the span of anything under a year is the most fucking retarded thing ever. This is a perfect example of why you should fully know whether you love the person or not to spend a period of your life with them. But obviously, Kim basically didn’t give a fuck and decided she was going to marry Kris anyway because she was getting paid. That’s right. They both got fucking paid to get married. Those motherfuckers made $17.9 million! Shit, if that was me, I’d jump at a chance to get married to someone. And what else? They didn’t have to pay for the wedding. So in short, they were wasting somebody’s money. 

Back on the subject itself. 72 days. That’s short. That’s shorter than Cee Lo Green. Seriously, there are tons of things that have been longer than Kim and Kris’. Shall I list things that were longer than Kim Kardashian’s wedding? Yeah, I think I’m going to have to…

• Kim’s sextape with Ray J.
• “For The Love of Ray J” 
• Lindsay Lohan’s line of coke.
• Rick Ross’ grunt.
• Rick Ross’ diet.
• The amount of time it takes to type ‘Kim Kardashian’.
• My hair.
• My eyesight (I’m short-sighted, yeah!)
• LeBron’s hairline.
• The piss that Mia takes in the film ‘Fish Tank’.
• Usain Bolt’s 100m world-record time.
• Colonel Gadaffi’s game of hide and seek.
• Sid’s cameo in Toy Story 3.
• Yamcha from Dragonball Z’s lifespan.
• A Tom and Jerry cartoon.
• The skirt of a girl who is going as a slut for Halloween.
• Stealth at Thorpe Park.
• The planning of the marriage.

There’s more…but I’m just stating the obvious.

Now, kids, may you learn a lesson from this celebrities second failed marriage. Do not get married unless you are ready to spend the rest of your life (or a short period of time of your life). If you love the person to bits and get divorced five months later, it’s your own fault and that person’s fault. 

I’m done.