Let’s Talk About - Valentines Day (And What Is Annoying About It)

It be Valentines Day…And here I am, to fuck it up for y’all! (not really)

You know what? I haven’t been with anyone in my life to share Valentines Day with. Do you know how annoying that shit is? Very annoying. Everybody is talking about how Valentines Day is this great day and everything, but the day is not great at all if you’re single. Valentines Day when you’re single is like Christmas when you’re a Jehovah’s Witness. It never works and it’s just another day doing the same shit you was doing before. And you can never, ever, avoid those who are happy on Valentines Day. You can be anywhere, and you will not be able to avoid Valentines Day celebrations between couples:

• You can be on Facebook. Still can’t avoid it because couples are busy writing on their walls a lot more often than they normally do about how much they love each other.
• You can be in your local town centre/shopping mall. Can’t avoid it because couples are everywhere. On the bench, taking up all the damn room to kiss; walking around holding hands; and basically everywhere, polluting the damn place.
• You can be in Maccy D’s, KFC or some fast food place. Can’t avoid it because a broke couple are most probably spending their time in there.

When you’re single, it’s fucking hard to avoid couples. Especially on Valentines Day. And anyway, what point does Valentines Day serve? Just a special day to show love to your girlfriend/boyfriend? Yeah, that may be so, but isn’t the point of having a girlfriend/boyfriend to show them love everyday?  See what I almost just said there? I was about to quote every damn thing that speaks about how Valentines Day being useless. Instead of being a brainless motherfucker, I can actually see the point in Valentines Day. I may not like it (because I’m single most of the time) but I can see the point in it. It’s a designated day, to show that you truly love your partner. So, higher power to those who adhere to it. I may find (and may hate) the couples annoying during this time of the year and the day totally pretentious, but I understand the values of the day. I may be a little bitter because I never get the chance to celebrate it, but still, I understand.

Now, I hate all the pretentiousness. I hate how couples act during this day. But I hate a lot more things about Valentines Day, more than them. Now, you’re most probably sitting here like: “Wait, the fuck?” But let me explain. There are several things I hate about Valentines Day more than the couples and I’m going to cover the most annoying thing. Bitter single people. “Joel, aren’t you one of those bitter single people?” Not at all that bitter (not to the extent of the other people — I’ll admit, I’m slightly bitter, but I’m not 100% fucking spectacularly bitter about Valentines Day. I’d say 15%).  

Bitter single people have the ability to annoy the fuck out of everyone. From the Facebook statuses they post about not being loved and basically trying to gain the attention of others while putting down other people on this day. They’re like Valentines Day’s equivalent to the Grinch (let’s call them the Valrinch). They don’t want to see anyone have fun. I may not like the day, but I’m not against people having fun on it. Some of these people will try and make themselves seem like a victim. As if Valentines Day is Kanye West and they’re poor, little, helpless Taylor Swift. Statuses posted on Facebook such as: “Guess I’ll never have a Valentine.” or “I wish someone would come and love me :’(” or “Fuck Valentines Day.” or any other ill-thought out Facebook status that’d garner the attention of the masses.

Not only is that fucking annoying, it’s incredibly stupid. Not only are you being a pessimistic bastard, you’re also definitely trying to gather the attention of others. So I guess that’d make you an attention whore? But you know what, I’m going to take this shit a step further. Girls, you are the most bitter of them all when it comes to Valentines Day. We will see subliminal messages. Subliminal as if they were messages produced by the illuminati (that was a joke, I do not believe in the illuminati in any way, shape or form). We will see shit like: “You’re supposed to treat your girl right every day.” or “I wish a guy would do something for me on Valentines…” or “Why can’t I find someone to love on Valentines Day?”. And look folks, I’ve produced some fuckin’ responses to these:

• “You’re supposed to treat your girl right every day.” — That may be so, but the fact of the matter is, Valentines Day is here to stay. It’s good for couples (unless the boyfriend buys an ASDA value Valentines Card…that shit will end a relationship instantly) and good for the economy (which I think is why Valentines Day exists…just to give Clintons and Card Factory some extra cash in their back pocket).
• “Why can’t I find someone to love on Valentines Day?” — There may be a variety of reasons for this. I won’t go into details on this in fear of offending girls out there.
• “I wish a guy would do something for me on Valentines…” — Look. Here’s an idea. Why don’t you, yes, you, try and do something special for a guy on Valentines to let him know you’re interested. Simple. And you may get something in return. Don’t expect people to work for you girls.

But it doesn’t stop there. Ex-girlfriends sound like they’re about to commit a mass murder when they see their ex-boyfriend making another girl happy. ESPECIALLY on Valentines Day. They start analysing the shit that their ex has done for their new girlfriend. “Oh, you got her [insert object here]! WHY DIDN’T YOU GET ME THAT WHEN WE WERE TOGETHER?” and so on. Not only do ex-girlfriends make a point of trying to deliver the message that they hate their ex-boyfriend, but they make themselves seem like such bitches while doing so. But if your ex-boyfriend cheated on you with the girl he’s with now…Then go ahead, roast his punk ass on Facebook. That’s the only instance you can do it. That will forever be the only instance you can act like a total bitch towards your ex-boyfriend on Valentines Day.

Now girls, Valentines Day doesn’t give you a free card to moan and bitch about how you ain’t getting some lovin’ on fucking Valentines Day. In fact, it doesn’t give anyone a free card to bitch about how they’re not getting anything. You can be male, female, a dog, a cat, an alien, a rock…being single does not give you the opportunity to bitch about being single. Instead of sitting there, wallowing in your own sadness, why don’t you realise that your time will come. Maybe now, maybe later. Don’t take to social networking sites, dropping subliminal messages about how you’re not loved and posting “if nobody loves you on Valentines Day, nobody loves you on any other day” and shit like that. People like me, the other single people, don’t need to be seeing that shit. 

To wrap it up: I dislike this day but that doesn’t mean I’m going to fucking go on and on about the people who are happy on this day. This doesn’t mean I’m going to hit up Tumblr and shout “OH WOE IS ME. OH WOE IS ME.” over and over again. But you know what I’m going to do, I’m going to do a total 360 right here, at this point in this rant. I said it was over, didn’t I? I lied, that was a cheap trick for you to speed up reading and finish this thing. 

I can sympathise with bitter single people. I may not entirely be one, but I can sympathise. As I said, total 360 here, I’m going to look at it from their side. And to be honest, it can piss off anyone when everyone around you is feeling loved and you’re just sitting there, alone, in your house and doing fuck all while couples are doing something fun or some shit like that for Valentines Day. And the fact you’re single and it seems like everyone around you is either knockin’ boots or dating can get to you. It gets to me now and again, but when you feel hopeless and unloved it can get you down. You’ll most likely see a couple in the street and want to instantaneously kill them. Just let people do their thing for today, no drama.

So in conclusion: I dislike Valentines Day, but I understand the values and things that come from it. What I do hate is the bitter single people. Why not just let people fucking enjoy their day and leave it that. Go through the day without an indirect status, without a status saying how no one loves you and all that. Cut the fucking drama, please, we don’t need to be hearing your bullshit on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, in real life, via text and so on…

I guess…I guess I’m fuckin’ done here. Happy Valentines Day bitches. And oh look, Valentines Day falls on Topless Tuesday…FUCKIN’ SCORE! (I keed, I keed).

NY Giants’ Greg Jones Superbowl On-Field Marriage Proposal

New York Giants player, Greg Jones, proposes to his girlfriend after the Giants defeated the Patriots in Super Bowl 46, Indianapolis, Indiana.