THE RANT RETURN OF…THE ANGRY BLACK MAN!

I like Facebook.

There, I said it. Hate me all you want with your super-glorified Tumblr selves.

I like Facebook. That’s right. It makes it easy to connect to family and friends and allows you to keep contact with people; something that Facebook does not do. Sure, there’s several things I dislike: the drama caused by idiots when the whole structure of Facebook changes; the indirect Facebook statuses; my Mum wanting to use Facebook constantly…the list goes on and on.

But there’s one thing I will hate forever. I’m talking about the day until I die. What’s that? Facebook subscriptions. Guaranteed, I’ll be on my deathbed, with my kids and wife around me, I’ll be like: “I haven’t got much time. I love you all. But fuck Facebook subscriptions…fuck those attention…seeking…pricks…” 

Facebook subscriptions have become a plague on Facebook. Can’t get anywhere without people whoring themselves out for subscriptions. It’s sad. It’s really, really sad. I once saw this dude, who posted a picture of this girl who had cancer. She had lost all her hair and everything—just been through chemotherapy, this dude said ‘LIKE IF YOU DON’T WANT HER TO DIE!’ Then in the comments, he posted: ‘SUBSCRIBE AND SHE WON’T DIE :)’. Like what the fuck? What kind of scumbag shit is that? What, do you hold the cure to cancer? Do you have her locked up somewhere, tied to some mechanic monstrosity that will kill her if people don’t follow? You have her  ready to die as if this was SAW? People subscribed to the guy. People actually did it. As if he did have the cure to cancer. As if he wasn’t going to let her die.

These Facebook ‘internet’ stars are in the same boat as that idiot Chuckie on Twitter and his friends. They’re attention seeking fucks. They’re most probably only famous on the internet and not at all that popular in actual life. I maintain the strong belief that they are not loved by their parents and they’re constantly bullied by everyone around them. Not that that’s okay, because bullying sucks. The combination of these types of things makes me want to keep these fuckers from appearing in my news feed. But I can’t. It’s impossible. As soon as someone likes a photo or one of them ‘LIKE IF [insert thing that everyone does]’, it’s up on my news feed. It doesn’t stop here.

There’s this girl, who goes to my college. She is pretty big on here…or something. She has a massive following of some sorts on Facebook. When I say massive, I’m talking something cult like. She has nearly 20,000 subscribers and owns her own clothing line (or something that resembles a poor attempt at a clothing line). She pops up on my news feed EVERY WEEK without fail. Why? Because she’s friends with several of my friends and so on. They like her photos and they’re just ordinary photos. You know the ones? When the girl is just standing in the mirror in different clothes, with the same damn facial expression and different clothes. And she posts photos of her boyfriend (who suspiciously looks like a chino wanker, but we’ll not focus on him). I admit, I followed her on Twitter and here on Tumblr. I don’t any more…became too annoying…

How did she get nearly 20,000 subscribers? Well, she’s a…model…I think? Oh and she’s TUMBLAR FAMOUZ too. So basically, her followers have imported themselves onto her Facebook page. When you see her photos pop up on my newsfeed, they have a ridiculous amount of likes. Over 100. What’s worrying and annoying about these things is that they worship her like a God. I kid you not, the girl has a drawing made by one of her ‘fans’. And it has over 1,000 likes on it. I’m sitting there like: “The fuck is this?” while trying to wonder what the fuck is wrong with some people.

That’s not admiration or being kind, that’s downright obsessive. If someone drew a picture of me, I’d freak out. It’s nothjust that. Everything that she does somehow manages to break the 100 like barrier. Guaranteed, I bet you she can just say: “meh.” and it’ll get 100 likes. Wait, I think she did say something like that and it got a 100 likes. It doesn’t stop there. It goes to Twitter. It goes to Tumblr. It pretty much goes everywhere. You know when I said that they worship her like a God? Yeah, people get all freaky. “OH MY GOD [insert person’s name here] FOLLOWED ME!” “OH MY GOD, SHE SAID HI!” It’s like they are in the presence of a celebrity.

This clothing brand too. She took a shirt and drew a ying-yang sign on it, and people are liking that shit up. I’m sure she’ll turn it into an actual shirt, but if the t-shirt game is that easy…give me t-shirt templates and I’ll work my photoshop wizardry on that shit. But this whole Facebook subscriber thing…I had a friend who called her out on her bullshit, and then he had her followers on his tail on here. So for that reason, I guess I better stop talking about her before they plot to assassinate me like I’m some new version of Martin Luther King. Can you imagine that? Me being the new Martin Luther King? “I have a dream…I have a dream that Facebook subscriptions would not exist! I have a dream that people on Twitter would not be exploited!”. People say she’s dull, but I can’t really form an opinion on her like that. I’m sure she’s a kind person, but goddamn, this whole picture thing is fucking annoying. If you’re reading this: ‘sup.

And I’m just using her as an example. There’s tons of people who pollute my news feed. Dudes who copy images from HpLyrikz and KushandWizdom and shit like that in an attempt to get their name out there…even though they do nothing. I can’t really blame them though. If they’re making money from people’s stupidity, then so be it. Isn’t what most of the business world is built on? They’re basically like the Drake’s of the social networking universe: they target the emotions of teenage girls and boys who are trying to make themselves seem friendlier to females.

I know on Twitter that there’s this dude who’s called IPlagarizeTweets or some ridiculous thing like that — the dude plagiarises tweets and he gets paid. If I had the opprtunity to get paid for tweeting, I’d take it. I’d avoid all the crappy promotions. There’s another thing: the promotions. It’s almost Twitter like on Facebook. People promoting their friends to help them get to 10k and everything.

Guaran-damn-teed though, these people would not even reach the status of ‘internet fame’ if they looked somewhat average or if they were not swagged the fuck out. These dudes are basically the kids in your college that have iPhones, wear chinos, constantly take photos of themselves in Instagram and so on. 

I can’t stop these people from polluting my Facebook. I really don’t want to deactivate my Facebook account for something as small—well not exactly small, but something that isn’t really as problematic—-well, exactly—you know what, forget it. Basically, I’m not deactivating my Facebook account. I’m going to be ignorant. Either these fuckers stop it or they can fuck off somewhere else. I’m tired. Fie-fi-fo-fum boy do I hate these Facebook subscribing scum. I’m real tired of these people. Mark Zuckerberg, you fucked up. You fucked up big time. And I’m not talking about your marriage. You gave power to the dumbasses of the social networking world. Why? Why did you have to do it?

Anyway, in short: fuck Facebook subscriptions and the attention seeking fuckers that use and abuse it.

If you have a problem with what I just wrote then fuck you go ahead, tell me about it. Otherwise, I’m done. Thank you all for reading. Joelology class finished.

Been quite some time since one of my .gifs/.gif photosets has blown up. And I’m talking about BLOWN THE FUCK UP. I’m talking about everyone reblogging it and shit like that. Last one that I had was…them Ted .gifs that’s now on 32,500 notes or some crazy shit like that. 

Meanwhile, people are doing it constantly TWENTY-FOUR SEVEN. I mean, how do you do that? I make good quality .gifs and I’ve been doing so for months, but sometimes even I wonder how people constantly get it to happen to them. Look at gifstyle, dude gets some MAJOR love. There’s countless others who get MAJOR love instantly. I’m not saying I don’t get love; you all show me some love in some way for my .gif making. But to appeal to a wider audience, the whole thing is mind boggling.

What do I have to do?

Did all these popular .gif makers sell their soul to the devil? Pay Tumblr staff to secretly promote them? Sacrifice a goat on a warm Sunday evening to appease the Gods? What do I have to do to gain some success?

Tumblr game stressful. 

If you’re making .gifs of you and your boyfriend/girlfriend, acting all cute and happy; making faces and kissing eachother and all that shit — chances are, you’re not happy at all. Chances are it’s a front to get notes on Tumblr. And in reality, your relationship is on the rocks. You don’t make faces in each others faces. You’re not happy. In fact, your relationship is miserable. Constantly arguing and throwing shit at each other. When was the last time you fucked? Exactly. The time you spend making those shit-tacular .gif photosets of you and your boyfriend/girlfriend acting all cute, while being swagged the fuck out could be spent fucking. Never thought of that, did you? 

I’m talking to you ‘we have swag’ crowd. I’m talking to you ‘swagtacular’ Asian crowd. I’m talking to you ‘I’m so popular’ crowd. I’m talking to all of you. No one gives a fuck about your fucking .gif photosets with you and your parter kissing/doing cute stuff.　

You people in relationships, making photosets full of .gifs with you and your parnter messing around, doing all ‘cute’ stuff like kissing and making faces. Stop that. For the love of god, please, stop. You’re not cute, you’re fucking annoying. Like a juice stain on a white t-shirt. And you look incredibly fake too in those .gifs. Who the fuck even makes .gifs of themselves and their girlfriend messing around? Shit, way to make your relationship seem faker than Nicki Minaj’s ass.

Being racist on Tumblr is stupid. Calling someone a ‘nigger’ on here is stupid. Acting shocked that people start calling you out on being racist is stupid. It’s like me making a post saying: “I fucking hate gays. I wish these faggots would stop fucking each other in the ass and go fuck people of the opposite sex!” and then crying as people constantly call me homophobic and an idiot.　

Don’t have a problem with people smoking marijuana. I do have a problem with the fact that they shove it down my fucking throat and when people use it as a means of trying to act cool/popular. I don’t care if you did an eighth. I don’t care what kind of weed you got. I don’t care about your fucking dealer. I’m not going to like your status on Facebook that says “Weed <3” or “a spliff a day keeps the doctor away.” Just smoke your weed and shut the fuck up. 　

WHAT THE FUCK BIOWARE? THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING? THAT WAS THE GAYEST ENDING EVER. IT WAS GAYER THAN THE EARLY ENDING IN CRASH BANDICOOT WHERE YOU RODE OFF WITH THAT PRETTY FEMALE BANDICOOT. FUCKING FAGGOTS. I WANT MY MONEY BACK. PIECE OF SHIT MOTHERFUCKIN—Hahahahahahaha, gotchya! Check my thoughts with some spoilers past the read more.

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Now, I don’t like to bitch about Facebook. In fact, I hate people who bitch about it when the layer changes and suddenly becomes more ‘difficult’ (when in reality, it’s still easy to use and they’re making unnecessary drama).

But the subscribe feature is beginning to piss me off. All of a sudden, I’m seeing people I don’t even know pop up on my news feed. With shit like “LIKE IF YOU THINK THIS IS CUTE!” or “LIKE IF YOU BRUSH YOUR TEETH!” and stuff like that. And thousands upon thousands of people like it. It’s really, really, really, really annoying.

But you know what else is annoying? People on Facebook who have their little Tumblr friends subscribed to them and liking every fucking picture they have up. And then I’m suddenly seeing pictures of this girl trying really hard to ‘impress’ pop up all on my dash. With the same blank facial expression, with the same bent over pose looking into the camera and with the same comments in the comments section. Nothing but thirsty dudes and girls who are like “I WISH I CULD B LIEK U!111!!!” 

How do most of these people gain that many subscribers anyway? 

I’m sick of seeing people I don’t know on my news feed. I’m sick of seeing the same fucking girl pop up on my news feed.

Get the fuck out of here with your legion of subscribers who like every fucking picture you post. Bastards. 

If you’re posting pictures of yourself in bras and revealing clothing, don’t get all offended when someone asks you to post a fucking nude picture of yourself. I cannot stress this enough.

This goes for a bunch of accounts where girls actually complain about receiving these types of messages from ‘thirsty’ dudes. You brought it on yourself. 

I don’t have a problem with you posting those types of pictures, just don’t complain when you got people asking you to post nudes.

This applies to fan boys…but mostly fan girls…And I’ll be using Justin Bieber and One Direction as a main example in this, because fuck Justin Bieber and One Direction. Fucking faggots.

…Diehard fan girls, who are diehard fan girls over musicians such as Justin Bieber, One Direction and so on have got to be the most annoying thing on the planet. Never before have I wanted to kill a group of people so bad.

When you look a Twitter, what do you often see? That’s right, trends started by hardcore fan girls for the ‘pretty boy’ musicians that they soak their panties for. Justin Bieber, One Direction, the list goes on and on and on. I literally cannot log into Twitter without seeing Bieber’s name plastered on the trends or the name of Beliebers in an silly sentence such as: “Beliebers have swag” or “Beliebers are the best!” I can’t even log onto Twitter without seeing the group that call themselves ‘Directioners’, go on about their beloved shitty boyband. 

I’m sick of these fan girls and their diehard fangirling over these really, really, really, poor quality musicians. And I’ll give reasons why I hate them…so here we go.

Firstly, their show of appreciation is just…too much. It’s just so obsessive. It’s so obsessive that you’d think they’re all autistic savants and they’re trying to maintain a daily routine which includes supporting worshipping their favourite musician. The overwhelming support may seem great amongst those who are also fans, but to those who are not, it’s bloody irritating.

Let’s go back to why I crossed out the word ‘supporting’ and replaced it with worshipping. I did it because that’s what they do. They worship them like they are all a part of a religion. It’s like Justin Bieber, One Direction, whatever musician they support is their God. ”But Joel, isn’t that the same for all musicians?” Nope. If you look at a group of fans for another musician — let’s say Kanye West. I love Kanye West. His music is of an excellent standard. But do I act in the way these fan girls do? Nope, because I’m not a female. But would I act that way if I was female? Nope. Acting crazy like that over a musician is just stupid.

And here’s the thing that gets me. The fan girls will act crazy over the musician, but then they all feel like they’re a part of that musician. And some take the craziness a little bit over the top. When that musician that they support does something involving another female, they all start crying like a bunch of kids who have just gotten beaten with a slipper because their parent told them not to do something and they did it. You want an example? When Justin Bieber started dating Selena, all these fan girls acted like they were betrayed.

“OH, HOW DARE JUSTIN CHEAT ON ME!” “FUCK SELENA!” “LETS KILL SELENA!” and shit like that engulfed social networking sites. Wanna know what my reaction was?:

Justin Bieber doesn’t know who the fuck you are and you were all acting like he was your boyfriend. And then you start sending death threats to Selena and shit like that. Who the fuck is you, to start feeling betrayed about something THAT DOES NOT INVOLVE YOU. Then you start claiming he’s your husband and shit like that. If you’re a girl, and you start doing stuff like that, then you need to meet a boy and get laid…That’s if you’re over 16 (18 depending on the country). If you’re under that age, then you need to go and do something productive with your lives. It doesn’t even stop there, it continues when fangirls start getting pissed about their favourite artist living their lives. I read this post last night (which made me laugh so much) about this girl who had camped outside the hotel where One Direction was staying and then the boys chino wankers went out for the night. The girl was upset that they didn’t interact with them. Well, if I (god forbid) was one of those chino wankers and I saw you camping outside my fucking hotel, I would ignore all of you. I’d want privacy. In fact, if I was them, I’d get a fucking hose and spray you away.

Anyway, I continued reading this thing, and the girl said that a mother of another fan overheard One Direction saying that the Australian fans ‘were too much’. WELL CAN YOU BLAME THEM? This is pretty much a walking example of what is annoying about diehard fan girls. They’re up in their musician’s ass so much, that the said musician gets tired of them.

And it’s not just that. These fan girls are also psycho when it comes to you insulting the musician they idolise. Guaranteed, there’s most probably going to be a One Direction or Justin Bieber or whatever poor-quality musician they listen to diehard fan, that’s looking at this post and muttering: “Fuck that nigger talking about my babies!” When people attack their favourites, they all seem to go after that person like a gang of wild dogs. They’ll go after them on Twitter, become anonymous over Tumblr and send them hate. You’ll see them say stuff like: “FUK U! JUSTIN 4 LYFE!11!1!!” or “FUK U! LIAM IS TEH BEZT!” 

But there’s one thing I will forever enjoy about these diehard fan girls. They go to war against each other. Yes. It’s hilarious to see one fan girl of one artist and one of another butt heads over who is better, which group of fans are the best and so on. The clashes on Twitter and the trends are hilarious too. You’d be seeing tweets like “Directioners piss on Beliebers” and so on. Before I continue, what the hell is up with these stupid names for fans? Just call yourself fans, supporters or anything that can be found in the thesaurus for the word ‘supporter’. Don’t create a gay name for yourselves, that’s just ridiculous. The wars amongst themselves add to the already bad, already annoying image of diehard fan girls. 

Then, their fan stance seems to cloud their judgement. Want an example of this? That One Direction US case that has just come up. Nearly every ‘Directioner’ has thrown common sense out the fucking car window, stopped in the middle of the road and reversed over it several times. They start saying ridiculous shit like: “Who teh fuk iz dis othar 1D? UK 1D r famouz, so d othar 1D suck nd they werent 1zt.” They totally write off the fact that the US One Direction, has a valid case. You don’t need a fucking degree in law to realise that.

Doesn’t stop there. Remember when Common dissed Drake (and started a rap beef that he actually won)? Every Drake fan girl went around saying that Common was an old man and they didn’t know who he was and that he needed the publicity. And it doesn’t stop with Drake. Remember when Chris Brown beat the shit out of Rihanna? Girls even today, blame Rihanna for that. And they are all like: “I wish Breezy could beat me like that ;)” Guaranteed, if somebody that wasn’t Chris Brown beat the shit out of these girls for the same reason Chris Brown kicked the shit out of Rihanna, they wouldn’t be wanting anything like that again.

What I don’t get is, why these musicians have such obsessive followings? You got a bunch of faggots called One Direction, who don’t write their own songs and all they can do is sing (poorly), make simple songs that target a relatively simple audience and walk around in chinos all day like they’re a walking advertisement for TopShop. Then you got Justin Bieber, who is equally as shitty as One Direction. I guess it’s the marketing. I mean, ‘cute’ boys who can ‘sing’ is pretty much money in record labels eyes, and they start capitalising on the vulnerable teenage girl market — playing with their feelings and stuff (hey, Drake does that too — but fuck Drake). Then we got Chris Brown. Who is cocky about nothing. Throws hissy fits live on air and shows no remorse for all the bad things he’s done. You can throw the Kanye argument at me right here, I don’t care. Kanye has something to be cocky about — Brown has nothing.

I have a theory on this: every quality musician does not have fans who are as annoying as those ‘diehard’ ones you see supporting Justin Bieber or One Direction. They have the occasional trend on Twitter and shit like that. But they are not on everybody’s asses every five fucking seconds. 

But whatever. To round this off: you fan girls who fucking wet their panties and use the musicians CD’s as dildos over musicians like Justin Bieber, Drake, One Direction and so on…you all annoy me. In fact, you all need to fuck off. If you hate what you’ve read and you fall into any of these categories, you know where the ask box is. Come at me. I don’t care if you’re a Belieber, I don’t care if you’re a One Directioner, I don’t care if you’re a fucking Team Breezy Wifebeating Squad member. Come at me if you hate what I’ve read and you’re feeling enraged.

I’m done!

Remember two nights ago when I was going on about how this dude literally intercepted my chances of dancing with this girl? I’m still kinda pissed about that. Thought it wouldn’t get to me. But it has. I was actually going to do it, but before I could move in, there he slides in and fuckin’ starts dancing with her. THE CHANCE WAS THERE, I MIGHT HAVE BEEN REJECTED IF I TRIED, BUT FUCK IT, AT LEAST I COULD SAY I TRIED. Man, I was getting ready to actually make a move and this shit happens. I felt like the guy who gets benched for Brian Scalabrine. Not that it would lead to me going anywhere, but still, would’ve been nice to make some ‘progress’. Maybe it’s a sign? Who the fuck knows. But fuck, I never realised I’d get pissed about it.

I should have punched that dude in the motherfucking mouth.

Life game stressful.

Went to party. Had a good night, took a long time for me to get proper ‘into’ it though. But no girls to dance with, no girls to pull. Didn’t try hard enough. And it’s sad seeing some dude dancing with a bunch of them and you’re not. And he fucking intercepted the once chance that I had. The once chance that I was actually considering dancing with this girl, before I could actually come to a decision, he swoops in as if to say: “NOT TODAY JOELY BOY!” and starts dancing with her. It was as if I was some dude trying to get the three pointer in the final seconds of a basketball game to make my team win by 1 and it’s swatted out of the goddamn sky. Life is stressful.

Ah well, one step in the right direction.